Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
