One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
