so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
