hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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