So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I did not marry a roomba.
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