weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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