Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
