We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
