I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize