I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
