She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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