We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
