I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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