Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
