she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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