just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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