I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
