I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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