these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
