i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
COCAINE IS GR8
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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