i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
time to smoke my breakfast
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
