Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
