someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
