shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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