I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
