Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
