i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
