That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
