My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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