ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
