On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
