hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
