guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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