dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
