careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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