We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
