We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
