you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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