No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
