So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
