It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
