you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
