I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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