conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
