did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
