i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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