Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
