walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
