So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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