he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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