I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
