just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
