mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize