my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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