Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
