dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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