thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
