dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
