No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
