Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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