I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
this is an emotional support booty call
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
