i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
