today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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