I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
