i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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