Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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