question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
