Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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