I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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