Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
