Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
