Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
