Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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