He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
