Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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