Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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