your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
