Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
