Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
