I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she told me i tasted like america
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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